2016 - A Flashback

Only yesterday I realized that exactly 10 years have passed since my entire life turned upside down.

2016 was the year I made the boldest move of my life - when I stopped playing safe & by the rules I got dictated by society.

Up until that point, I had been afraid of going against the stream. Of having an unexplainable gap on my CV. Of falling behind and being seen as a failure. As a high-achiever, I didn’t realize how much pressure it had put on me - until that year, it crushed me, and I came out giving way less fucks than before.

The year had started with me as an undergraduate at Zurich School of Management & Law, where I received good grades, with praise from professors. I had hopes to one day achieve a position where my work would have a positive impact on the world, for example in an NGO or the sustainability section of a big company.

But mostly, it was the path I felt society urged me to follow. In my heart, I desired to be an artist, but I was made believe it was a path not worth following.

Then, I learned the truth in those lecture halls - that the world’s economy is designed to exploit people & natural life, rather than support them. In one module, we had the task to analyze the CSR (Corporate Social Responsibility) report of big companies. We found out they were all being dishonest and their true goals was always endless economic growth, on the expense of sustainability.

As I awakened to this truth, I started to crumble. It felt like my whole life, all my aspirations to the point, were a lie.

In September of 2016, I couldn’t hold myself together anymore. I left Europe for Buenos Aires to study as an exchange student at Universidad Argentina de la Empresa (UADE).

It became increasingly more difficult for me to put on a mask, show up to lectures, and pretend that everything is fine. And so after only a few weeks, I decided to quit and to let myself float in the unknown.

Everyone back home questioned my decision, but in the “city of fury”, I felt like I was finally free again, broken from a spell. A huge weight had lifted from my shoulders.

In this newfound freedom, I went out almost every night, took up photography, made art & self-portraits, and met countless of artists, musicians, people devoted to their craft and making a living out of it. I came out of my shell, felt inspired and creative again, explored love and went to raves and parties every night until the sun rose.

I was at the highest of all my life, both literally and figuratively - yet I knew there was a void I was hiding away from. A pain I needed to face. 2016 ended with a bang. On New Years Day, my housemate Don and I woke up and found out our house had been robbed, our laptops and smartphones gone. When we came home in the early morning, we were too drunk and high and haven't closed the front door properly. It was another huge wake up call, this time to step into a path of sobriety, presence and ultimately, towards healing. 

To this day, I think back to that year and that time with such immense gratitude in my heart. Although some moments were definitely cringe (like taking pictures with a cigarette 😅) and some painful - that year and the people I’ve met then have given me the courage to start following my soul’s calling.

Although it took me a bit longer to find out what it truly was, that first step of knowing what I DON’T want has been the most crucial, the beginning of it all.

From there, I left Buenos Aires soon after on a quest of healing through South America, using the rest of my scholarship money to fund it. On that journey, I started to reconnect and appreciate my Balinese roots, and found my calling in music. But that is for another blogpost. 🎶

Thank you 2016 for changing my life forever. What a year you were.

(Artwork I've made in 2016, heavily inspired by Manu Chao, Banksy's "Flowerthrower", Bob Marley's "Three Little Birds", and Gorillaz' "Feel God Inc.")